Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
