oh god the rape fog is back!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
