one two three fourrrrnication!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize