My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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