i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize