Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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