I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
