did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
