I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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