I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
