it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
