Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want a musical about memes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
