So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
