These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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