Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
