i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
