So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize