if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
