Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
