I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
