Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
