can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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