The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
