how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
