Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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