yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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