what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
