if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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