Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize