But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Damn victory sex feels great
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
