Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
