laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
