I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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