my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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