I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
