Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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