we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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