i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
