Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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