Moan for me like Helen Keller
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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