Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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