There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
