I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mom said you looked used
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
