This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
