and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
