I just pynch a tree in the face
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
