I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
