YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
