im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
