He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need water and some morals
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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