I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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