god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
