The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
