there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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