literally had 100 drinks last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
