Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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