real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
