my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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