Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
