I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
