Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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