If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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