there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
