They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
