Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
