I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
