My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
