I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
