Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize